Foxy New Year, part 3 - Priorities & Promises
Foxy New Year, part 3
Welcome to the third installation of the Blog for Foxes!
Just by opening this email, you’ve helped me make progress on my resolutions. Thank you for being so freakin’ foxy. And I believe that you’ve made some progress yourself. After all, seeking motivation and inspiration is taking positive action.
You might be wondering how being here helps me make progress. The truth is that I honor commitments to other foxes over commitments to myself. I’ve committed to writing an inspiring newsletter (now blog!) for you each week. I’ve also shared my goal of practicing yoga every day so that it becomes habit. So, I feel that I must write this newsletter, and that I must honor my yoga practice. All because I need to honor my commitments to you.
The best way to make a resolution a priority in your life is to structure it like a promise that you feel cannot be broken. With that kind of priority level, you will do whatever it takes to uphold your commitment, no matter how overwhelmed, busy, or tired you are. It’s a motivational “hack” that circumvents decision-making because action is a requirement, not a choice. Like breathing. So let’s take a deep, deep breath, and figure out what kind of promise you will keep above all others.
This inquiry requires that you know yourself, particularly in two respects. First, how do you respond to expectations? Second, do you need a carrot or a stick, or both, to work on your resolution?
To determine your response to expectations, I recommend Gretchen Rubin’s “Four Tendencies” quiz. She identifies four personality profiles: upholders, questioners, rebels, and obligers. In Gretchen’s words:
Upholders respond readily to outer and inner expectations
Questioners question all expectations; they’ll meet an expectation if they think it makes sense (essentially they make all expectations into inner expectations)
Rebels resist all expectations, outer and inner alike
Obligers meet outer expectations, but struggle to meet expectations they impose on themselves
You may be a blend of types, but likely there is one that more accurately describes you than the others. I’m 100% a questioner, so it’s very important to me that decisions are well-reasoned. I cannot move forward when things don’t make sense, when I lack information, or when things operate arbitrarily. Because I’m a questioner, it is imperative that I recognize my priorities in order to make goals that I will actually work on.
You might have thought I was an obliger, because I credited you with my progress on continuing to write this newsletter. However, this newsletter is a manifestation of my inner desire to motivate and to inspire you to become your best, foxiest self. And it makes sense that I would use a newsletter as my medium because I’m a wordy fox. Hence, I am a questioner.
With respect to carrot or stick, I crave the carrot always. Okay, okay, in real life I hide carrots in my veggie smoothies and avoid cooked carrots like the plague. But what we’re talking about is rewards versus punishments.
If you avoid punishment like I avoid cooked carrots, consider adding a penalty component to your resolution. It’s important that you structure it so that the only way you can avoid the penalty is to achieve your goal. You can use websites that pledge your money to go to an organization you despise (political or otherwise), friends or family who will hold you to your commitment (being a hard-ass to help a friend is always foxy), or other methods that stick. Pun intended.
If you’re like me and live for the rewards, you party animal, you, choose a reward that you don’t already give yourself. Novelty is key, so get creative! For example, I was hating running a timer for my yoga goal, so I switched to playing a song I hadn’t heard in a long time that plays for at least 5 minutes. This week I enjoyed Sylvan Esso’s set on Tiny Desk, Florence and the Machine’s Cosmic Love, Silversun Pickups’ Lazy Eye, and the ensuing tracks that played on YouTube. It’s so fun to keep listening that I’ve gone well over my 5-minute threshold every day and I look forward to my next practice.
Ultimately, the key is to figure out the core of what drives you. Eliminate all judgment and empower yourself to become your own priority. When was the last time you chose to honor what your mind, body, or heart needed over what your boss, family, friends, or other external forces “needed”? You cannot neglect fundamental obligations that keep a roof over your head. But remember that your mind, body, and heart are your primary shelter and YOU need care, attention, and love. So give yourself some love and attention by taking steps towards your goals. Don’t give up, but adjust as necessary to honor your foxy self. I believe in you.
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If you liked this blog, give me a carrot by sharing with me which of the four tendencies you align with (you can take Gretchen’s quiz here). I’m here for you if you want to collaborate on carrots and sticks, and I’d absolutely love to hear about your progress on your resolutions. Next week we’ll continue with learning more about ourselves and how we can maximize our decision-making powers in furtherance of foxy well-being and progress.
Three cheers for my lovely foxes,
“Action expresses priorities.”
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