Foxy Decision-making, part 3 - Overcoming Fear
Foxy Decision-making, part 3
Hello, my foxes!
Let’s talk about fear. That’s right. FEAR. Whew! What a topic! Okay, let’s do this.
We’re in part 3 of our decision-making series on the road to becoming the best foxes we can be. And my goodness I have had a hard time writing this essential portion. The topic of fear has been looming over my head, grinding my teeth at night, and generally terrorizing my day-to-day wellbeing. I knew it would be a crucial component of our decision-making series, but I don’t think I’ve been ready to confront my own fears, not to mention share them. But here we are. It’s time to confront our fears, and become healthy, empowered foxes.
So let’s face our fears head-on. Together. Here’s the 5-step framework I created for dealing with fear in decision-making.
1. Identify the True Fear
Here's the first step: let's be real about our true fear. Let’s identify the actual source of worry. Sometimes fear makes sense. Sometimes it doesn’t. Sometimes our fear is socially or internally recognized, and sometimes it’s not. What matters is that we need to accept the fear we are experiencing in order to move forward.
I’ve been struggling with a fear that I’ve had for months. Maybe longer than that. Maybe since the start of Merrifox. Struggling hard. Struggling with the inevitability and reality of becoming a “YouTuber.” Yes, from a marketing standpoint, becoming a YouTube personality is exactly what Merrifox needs. I’ve had many requests for videos, my art needs more exposure, and I have more personality than I know what to do with. Well, maybe it’s just that my laughter is extra loud. 😅
I readily disclaim my delay in posting my first YouTube video - despite the massive amount of content I’ve filmed (and deleted!) - with excuses of perfectionism. I haven’t found the right music to pair with my intro. My b-roll isn’t in tune with my content. I am ridiculous on camera. Etcetera, etcetera. While my perfectionism is worth honoring to a degree, because I believe in releasing only quality content, imperfection is a superficial fear masking my true underlying fear. So, here goes.
Right now, we’re a relatively small foxy earth. I have had conversations with each of you outside of these newsletters, even if only for a quick moment or email exchange. I love connecting with you! I feel safe with you, and hopefully you with me. We trust in each other so that we can grow together.
As we grow our community of foxes, we invite in all who would join us. I love this inclusive approach: the more we can share, the better foxes we will be! We will learn from each other, and our growth will positively shape the world. But as we bring in more people, who may or may not be foxy at heart, I have to face my true fears. Exposure. Vulnerability. Stranger-danger.
I don’t want to live like this. I don’t want to house fear, give it sustenance, or let it control my life. Fear is a natural part of growth, but we don’t have to let it take root. Instead, let’s empower ourselves to take the next step.
2. Accept the True Fear
The second step is to accept our true fear. Acknowledging fear is not enough, and on its own may be debilitating. Fear can gain power with recognition, so we have to move beyond simple acknowledgement to acceptance. When we accept our fear, we acknowledge its existence and take ownership of it. We don’t let it own us.
When I’m honest with myself about what’s holding me back from starting my YouTube channel, I don’t think it’s my perfectionism, or other normal fears such as fear of criticism, or fear of failure. It’s actually my fear of success. Growing a following means risking exposure to people who could intend me harm. Unfortunately, I’ve had negative experiences with individuals who may or may not have believed their behavior was appropriate. Trust me, it wasn’t. There’s a reason why I tend to be a hermit fox. 🐢🦀🦊 That said, it’s time for me to re-emerge into the world and move forward.
3. Quantify the Risk
The third step is to quantify, or measure, the risk. Now that we’ve identified the true fear, and accepted it as the primary barrier to our desires, we can begin to address it. Let’s understand how much risk exists that our fear may come true, and consider what our world would look like if it did.
If we wash a red sock with the whites in our laundry - yep, did that last week - we’re either going to end up with a load of whites or a load of pinks. All pink clothes... noooooooooo! With the belated awareness of the red sock, we either become grateful that we didn’t turn a load of whites to pink, or that we only pinked junky undershirts. And even if we did stain something special, the stain doesn’t strip us of the memory of good times in that outfit. Plus, many clothes are replaceable. More good times will be had in other favorite outfits. In my case, I escaped with a load of clean whites (that included my husband’s wedding shirt!) and the belated panic of a miscreant red sock. Storytelling aside, the question is, what are the risks and consequences of our fear coming true?
To assess the likelihood that our feared outcome will occur, assign a percentage based upon experience and research. As we discussed in previous newsletters, closing information gaps facilitates decision-making. The same goes for perceiving the risk of the outcome we fear. Sometimes the fear we experience feels much greater than the actual chance that our fear will come true. Make the amount of risk visual, quantified, or otherwise tangible, and our ability to comprehend and adjust to the risk vastly improves. We become capable.
Now consider the outcome. Oftentimes, our biggest decisions are not burdened by grave consequences. If we compare the consequences of death or serious bodily injury to the outcomes we fear, suddenly our worries become much less fearsome. What a RELIEF. This reality has motivated many of my major life decisions, including forgoing my career as an attorney to become an artist and content creator.
4. Minimize the Risk
Now that we understand the risk and possible outcomes, we can take the fourth step and minimize the chance that our fears will play out.
The reality is, when fear of undesirable outcomes immobilizes us, that fear causes our present to become undesirable. Just not in the way we expect. Stagnation, avoidance of progress, and inability to make a decision are common symptoms of unaddressed fears, whether conscious or subconscious.
We all desire to live happier, healthier, and more purposeful lives. To do so, progress is essential. We must move forward. But we cannot progress if we allow fear to control.
Whenever I find myself suffering from symptoms of fear, I take the time to write down my goals and anything separating me from achieving them, or even from working towards them. I take the time to close information gaps, and to be honest with myself about my fears.
Accepting my fears and analyzing the risk that they may come true allows me to take steps to minimize the likelihood of undesired outcomes. Essentially, awareness enables preventative action. Before I wash my white clothes, I can double-check for rogue reds in the basket (are redheads rogue too?!?). Before I post my first YouTube video, I can get a mail-forwarding service and take other steps to become an invisible foxy ninja. I’ll be like the where’s Waldo of foxes.
5. Trust Yourself
The final step is to trust your foxy self. Let the fear go. We’ve identified, accepted, and quantified our fears. We’ve also done everything in our power to minimize the risk that our fears will manifest. Now we are ready to take action.
Be free from stagnation, be free from fear, my foxes. Let’s continue to make decisions that serve our true desires and help us become our foxiest selves. I believe in you!
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Stay tuned for more inspiration and wellbeing tips next week. I guess this installment means I also need to make good on my words and make you a YouTube video! Well, you will be the first to know when it goes live. I'll do it, I'll do it, I'll do it. In the meantime, be well and merry in this joyful spring season.
Three cheers for my lovely foxes,
“What we fear of doing most is usually what we most need to do.”
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